2.17.2014

Rosemary Pipes Answers 5 Quintessential Questions

It's time again where I pose my five very special questions to a member of the independent art community. This week, I bring you not a writer, not a musician, not a painter or a sculptor. I bring you a . . . NINJA!


And a VAMPIRE!

You vant to buy her now
And a ZOMBIE HAT!

Go buy this thing NOW.

Introducing my dear friend Rosemary Pipes of Slightly Mad Hatter Designs, the one responsible for all the amazingness above and so many other ninja-fied works of art with her knitting needles of doom. I have two of her hats. I specifically look forward to cold weather so I can wear them. See that amazing thing on my head? She made that.


I'm like Linus from Charlie Brown about this hat. Sometimes I feel like it's the only thing holding my sanity inside my skull. If I should ever lose it, I will likely die. I should probably ask her to make me a backup just in case.

Anyway, here is Rose with her 5 Quintessential Answers.

1. You found a surprise ten dollar bill in the dryer. How do you celebrate this magnificent windfall?
Booze. No… Well. Booze.

No. That’s a little boring. I’m trading that glorious piece of paper in for nickels, going to a strip club, and making it hail.

2. You wake up and realize the apocalypse has just happened. What do you have for breakfast?
My usual breakfast is a pot of coffee. I’m not certain that the apocalypse would change that. Unless, of course, it has rendered my coffeemaker useless. In which case, the apocalypse would just be getting started.

3. It's 3am and you hear a knock at the door. When you open it, you see a penguin standing there. He's wearing a bandolero, a cowboy hat, and a fake mustache. He seems to know you. Why is he there?
This fuggin’ guy again. It’s really difficult to get a restraining order on a penguin, let alone a penguin that nobody else believes exists.

Anyway, just like the last seven times he’s showed up, he’s probably trying to warn me about this nonsense upcoming apocalypse… Something about a coffeemaker and a dropped stitch. I don’t know. I try not to pay too much attention. I mean, how do you take a penguin seriously when he’s wearing a fake mustache?

4. Which super villain are you most like?
I really can’t think of a super villain that I’m like. I can think of a lot of them that I really like. Which is kind of weird to consider. Thinking that I like an evil being that wants to destroy the world or take it over or something else sinister and insane. Anyway...

Would you consider Maleficent a super villain? I suppose not. She’s just a fairy tale villain, but she turns into a dragon and I think that’s pretty bad ass. And I tend to think that I’m a bad ass, even if I can’t turn into a dragon and I don’t actually know any mixed martial arts.

5. Someone offers you a million dollars to write the greatest slash fiction story of all time. Give me your elevator pitch.
I’m no author or story teller, so this a tough question.

An exhausted, lonely woman knits to distract herself from her problems and the rest of the world. She chooses to knit a giant afghan in a very easy but mundane stitch pattern. The afghan is so large and it takes her so long to make it that the 4x2 ribbing stitches slowly drive her insane. She drops a stitch, doesn’t know it, and in the end the whole damn thing unravels. Months of her life fall into a tangled heap on the floor of her apartment. This is the moment where she just can’t hold it together anymore and she completely loses her shit. From here she takes her knitting needles and goes on a killing spree that will one day be a disturbing biography about her on the History Channel.

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I'm still cracking up over "making it hail" with nickels at a strip club. And Rose? Don't knit anymore afghans with 4x2 ribbing stiches. Thank you for stopping by!

Now everyone, go to Slightly Mad Hatter on Etsy and empty your pocketbooks! Or contact her for a personal commission. Her work is beautiful and durable. You may also find her at these other fine Internet establishments.

Crocheting Tiger, Knitting Dragon Blog: http://crochetingtigerknittingdragon.wordpress.com/
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