J.A. Kazimer Answers 5 Quintessential Questions

It's Monday, which means it's time yet again to query another member of the indie artist community with 5 questions specially designed to attack the creative solar plexus. This week, we are sitting down with one J.A. Kazimer, author of CURSES! A F***ed Up Fairy Tale and its follow-up, Froggy Style. Her latest book, a sexy thriller called The Assassin's Heart, is due out from Coffee Town Press on March 1st. She has a mile-long list of other writing credits too, all of which you should check out immediately. I met Ms. Kazimer at the Pikes Peak Writers Conference back in 2010, and she immediately impressed me with her dark wit, which is reflected in her writing as well as what you're about to read here. So let us delve deep into her mind, shall we?

You found a surprise ten dollar bill in the dryer. How do you celebrate this magnificent windfall?
My first thought was a fairly cheap bottle of wine, but after some debate, I decided to go with two bottles of Mad Dog 20/20. A windfall like that deserves two times the celebration.

You wake up and realize the apocalypse has just happened. What do you have for breakfast?
Depends on the type of apocalypse. If we’re talking zombie, than I’m having toast with brain jam (which is a lot like toe jam). If we’re talking the standard four horsemen, then I’d head to my local catholic church for as many of those paste-tasting hosts as I can eat.

It's 3am and you hear a knock at the door. When you open it, you see a penguin standing here. He's wearing a bandolero, a cowboy hat, and a fake mustache. He seems to know you. Why is he there?
Damn it. How did he find me? I’ve been hiding from the Penguin cartel for months. That’s the last time I courier questionable-fish from the South Pole.

Which super villain are you most like?
Dr. Horrible. I do like to sing, and who wouldn’t want to stare at Nathan Fillion in tights all day?

Someone offers you a million dollars to write the greatest slash fiction story of all time. Give me your elevator pitch.
Um, hi, I’d like to tell you a little about my slash fiction novella or I guess a better term would be flash/slash. It starts with that chick from Twilight. You know, the annoying angst girl? Well, her dad does the smart thing, and tosses her ass into the wood chipper as soon as she arrives in town.

I wonder what would happen if one combined the Communion wafers with the MD 20/20. Sounds like a recipe for the apocalypse right there. Thanks, Julie, for stopping by! Now everyone go check out Julie's book as well as all her social media outlets!

J.A. Kazimer is a writer living in Denver, CO. Books include The Junkie Tales, The Body Dwellers, CURSES! A F***ed-Up Fairy Tale, Holy Socks & Dirtier Demons, Dope Sick: A Love Story, SHANK, Froggy Style, and her latest novel, The Assassin’s Heart, releasing on March 1, 2014.