What Do Sun Chips and Men Have in Common?

They both make loud noises when you grab them by the sack.

The difference?

You can put one in a compost pile it will be so much dirt in 10 weeks. Okay, maybe that's true of both, but because I'm not Lorena Bobbit, I'm really just talking about the chips.

I remember seeing the commercial for the new compostable Sun Chips bags a few weeks ago and I finally got around to buying the product just recently. Upon picking it up, I thought a herd of elephants with mylar shoes had begun stampeding through the store. But then I just realized that this is what these plant-based chip bags actually sound like when you handle them

In other words, it is a very crackly, LOUD material. There is no way to muffle the din of this chip bag. You could never sneak into the kitchen for a stealthy midnight snack with these new Sun Chips. In fact, it is almost a deterrent to eating them altogether. And then it dawned on me how very brilliant this concept is.

If all food packaging made such obnoxious racket when I picked it up, I would be less likely to eat it. I'd like to call it the Aural Assault Diet. Imagine if everything you picked up sounded like a hurricane of plastic shopping bags? Or Miley Cyrus? Frito-Lay has really stumbled onto an amazing concept here. But what does this mean for the company itself? And the consumers?

Because these bags are very environmentally responsible, more people will (or should) want to buy them. But because the bags are so loud, people really wouldn't want to handle them for any longer than it would take to get one or two chips out of the bag. This means consumers will be eating less. Which means people's asses will grow that much less from eating chips. Will this encourage or discourage Frito-Lay from expanding the concept to their other products? Imagine Doritos and Funyuns in such bags. I can see oodles of terrified stoners lying screaming in fetal positions with their hands jammed against their ears. You might not only scare people from noshing on crap, but you might also convince them to give up smoking weed altogether.

What strange and almost paradoxical consequences could arise from these brilliant little bags. Who would have thought that the people responsible for unleashing Cheetos on the world could be responsible for saving it? Only time will tell.

1 comment:

  1. You're right, those chip bags are THE LOUDEST THING IN THE WORLD. And it makes me not want to buy them. In the house it's no big deal, but when I put them in the cart, everybody turned and looked at me. Embarrassing!