Breaking News: The World is on Fire

Have you ever thought to yourself that when it comes to being aware of every single suspicious or terrorist activity in the world that Fox News just isn’t enough?

Do you ever feel like maybe the media and our government isn’t doing nearly enough to keep you in a persistent state of fear?

Is paranoia your favorite color?

Well, hunger no more little wingnuts! I introduce to you the smorgasbord of terror!

That’s right, boys and girls. Displayed before you in that above link is all the reason you need for hawkish neo-conservative foreign policy, a series of fires spread round the world that only our armies are to put out! Puff your chests with pride, America. No more do you have to live under the assumption that you can go to a local Wal-Mart without the nuisance of a bomb threat. If you were ever concerned that Mexico was a terrorist threat to the United States, look no further. On this map, you will find all of the validation you need.

And look at the United States alone! It’s a bastion of terrorist activity! The Absolut Vodka distillery is being targeted for redrawing a map that "favors Mexico." Click on the little avatar and you’ll get the full story at Michelle Malkin’s website, who is a paragon of "fair and balanced" journalism if you weren’t sure. Oh and look at Iraq! There are only TWO incidents there, same as Canada! It appears then that Iraq is as placid and uneventful as Canada! Both of which are safer than America! I see a Baghdad vacation in my near future. Who’s with me?

As you can clearly see, bombs are going off everywhere around the world. It’s pure pandemonium! Or as my favorite Ghostbuster would say: "Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!" By the way, don’t bother highlighting each icon. That’s pointless. Look at it from a distance and you will see what Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Dick Cheney, and his little puppet George W. Bush have been telling us all along:

The Enemy Is Out There.

Now if you will excuse me, I have some Kool-Aid to drink.


  1. Mmmmm... Baghdad vacation.

    I wonder if Chevy Chase is booked?

  2. Jesus christ. Did you know that your blog changed to .net? I had to do some recon work to get here. Jesus. It took me like three weeks to figure that out.