12 Months of Awesome

You know, I have a tendency to think this as I'm sitting behind my computer, finding interesting ways to make boring words sound interesting:

I kinda fucking rule.

Yeah, I might not look it. I'm the biggest dork I know, I have a tendency to trip over my own feet a lot (to which my friend Vickie, or rather, Vickie's hair can attest), and when it comes to actually speaking fluent English, I rest at a comfy 4th grade level. But I can definitely write at a 7th grade level, and to me that means something!

It's been another successful year orbiting in the blogosphere, I have to say, and while I'm seeing so many of these "Best Blog of 2007" contests floating about, I see no one basting themselves with the hot juices of self-congratulatory ego-stroking. Well, I'm going to be a pioneer in this, and I hope you will all join me in your covered wagons. I wrote a lot this year. Not quite as much as in 2006, however, because even a superficial fluff junkie like myself has to take a step back once in awhile and evaluate her lifestyle choices. Okay, nothing so reflective. I've simply grown lazy. But I have written enough to compile a little list of my own personal favorites just for you!

If you are relatively new to reading my ultimately inconsequential work, this will be like getting 12 new blogs in one! To the rest of you who have stuck with me in my endeavors to be the most famous writer in a three-block radius, you can reminisce with me instead, and there is nothing quite so heart-warming as getting nostaligc with the precious few bright moments of pure genius I had in 2007. I'm going to pick my favorite blog from every month this year. Some months were slower than others. For instance, I think in April I only wrote 8 blogs. Slim pickins. But it is what it is.

Let's get started, shall we?


I celebrate Martin Luther King day by urging everyone to laugh at black people.


Who can forget my concept for a new reality show entitled American Write-ol? I know I have re-posted this a couple times, but it still gets my vote. Of course that month I also got pretty controversial with my "banish all drug laws" rant, entitled Laws Suck.


Two words: Chocolate Jesus


Taking to race relations yet again, I throw up a big middle finger to Al Sharpton.


I invent a new holiday, and I call it: Irony Day.


This summer, I urged you all to embrace the word "Cunt."


Clearly, I was having a bad month.


In August, I congratulated the Duggar family of Arkansas (in a most sincere way) for birthing their 17th child.


I provide my readers with my 10-Step Guide to Immortality. I also share the harrowing tale of a very naughty monkey.


My first week of working for Target brought some very salient observations.


Between Target Mutants and Touchdown Jesus, November was a rather colorful month. But because of its purely educational shock factor, I think I'm going to have to go with Butt-Hash here.


Granted, there is still a couple weeks left, but I'm going to go ahead and call it. It was a close race between Christmas Todd and the Christmas Light Personality Test.

I think, however, Christmas Todd wins, based merely on the fact that I've never seen people get so worked up over a taco bar.

It was a great year, folks! I look forward to seeing what antics 2008 brings! We do have a Presidential race impending. I have a feeling it will be a political year. Brace yourselves.


  1. If it matters, whether you have the best blog or not, I would be happy to stroke not only your ego, but your naughty bits as well. Boo Yah and Cheers!!

  2. Chocolate Jeebus and embracing cunt.

    And people wonder why I shop here?

    Merry Christmas, my girl. Keep blogging. And drop by the Lunch Counter for some sausage rolls and the beverage of your choice.

  3. I wanted to let you know that over the past 12 months, this has easily become one of my favorites, if not my very favorite blog. If I don't check any blogs all day, I always come here. :)

  4. So when are the Greatest Hits coming out in a 12 pound coffee table book? Or better yet, go the spoken word route, an audiobook so you can win a Grammy and rub elbows with Al Gore? Hurry, there's still 3 shopping days left and I wanna buy, buy, buy!
    You are, as always, hilarious -- Merry Christmas!

  5. I remember some of these. Yep you're the winner!


    Merry Christmas!

  6. I have such a fondness for June. That makes me a very bad girl :P