This might shock some of you reading this, but the Gouda is very much in touch with her... um... let's just call them "internal nettles." I know, I know. Hard to believe, isn't it? I mean, someone who can come up with all sorts of vile synonyms to describe Sweetheart candies can't seriously be surviving on a steady diet of rancor and hatred. Right?
The thing is, that's nothing. Most of the things I write here that give off that "more chafed than a pair of thighs in tight, wet jeans" affect are constructed that way intentionally. I do it to create irony. Do I REALLY get that pissed off over stupid candies? Not really. The only trivial object that dredges up in me the urge to actually commit murder are those Styrofoam packing peanuts, which you can read about here. But that's beside the point.
When I'm seriously, legitimately angry about something, when I feel affronted, annoyed, or just downright rife with fury, I tend to turn it inward, letting it out in little spurts that my household doors do not really appreciate, but that my unbroken dishes do. You get the point.
My cure for a case of conniption rests mainly in music, particularly that of the raw, screeching, nerve-pounding variety, voiced by someone I know has to be more pissed off and miserable than I could ever hope to be. Someone who can "out-scream" me, and create something of an emotional release akin to the arterial spray that occurs when you slit someone's throat. Stop squirming.
The music that fits this bill comes courtesy of a few particular bands (Nine Inch Nails, for one), but the one I'm going to focus on today is the most potent in my arsenal: Nirvana. There were few people as miserable as Kurt Cobain, and to prove it, he killed himself, so I'm more inclined to believe him. My favorite album: In Utero. Although not nearly as commercially successful as the ubiquitous Nevermind, I think this particular album showcased the raw, unaltered sound for which the band was originally aiming. The most well-known songs from In Utero are "Heart-Shaped Box" and "All Apologies", but I tend to zip right past those to the gems the radio wisely decided to not overplay (or play at all in most cases).
My favorite, the one that I automatically tune to if I find my teakettle of rage on the verge of spilling forth, is "Scentless Apprentice". When it starts out with Dave Grohl's virtuoso, pulsing, slightly off-kilter percussion, and then clashes mercilessly with Cobain's grating riffs, it is already a thing of enraged beauty, but it's after the first verse that it begins to show its cathartic colors, with Cobain screaming his throat bloody. It is then that my soul screams with him, and for the three minutes or so that song is swirling like an aural F-5 tornado through my consciousness, I strangely find some sort of an equilibrium, so that by the time the track reaches it's smoking, feedback-resonant end, my world has come back into focus.
Other songs from this album that achieve the same feat:
"Radio-Friendly Unit Shifter" (if you can endure the feedback)
"Milk It" (more awesome screaming)
"Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle" (the guitar solo in the middle of the song is the best part, and the lyric "I miss the comfort in being sad" is just fucking heartbreaking)
"Pennyroyal Tea" (love the intense guitar in this one as well)
"Very Ape" (love the tempo)
Basically, the whole album is amazing, but those particular songs bring about a particular mental purification that can be achieved by little else.
What about you? Do you have any songs that have saved your sanity?