Not So Fondue Driving These Days...

I just posted this to my friends on another board, but it really inspired in me a need to expound on how stressful driving with two kids under the age of 5 in the back seat can really be. Sometimes I think about how much it would cost to have a plexiglass divider installed in the car, like the ones in limos. I know it can be done. Just reach up and press a button. Ahhhhhh.... Sweet relief!!

This is an excerpt of a typical ride in the car with my kids:

Natalie: "Old MacDonald had a farm! Ee-eye-Ee-eye-O!
Mom/Dad: "Elias, you can BOTH sing the song together!"
Elias: "Okay.... *sing sing sing* NO LET ME SING IT!!!"
Mom/Dad: "Okay that's it Elias, you're not going to sing if you speak that way."
Elias: "No Mom- YOU CAN'T TALK!"
Mom/Dad: "Elias, no more talking. Do not say anything else until I say you can."
Elias: *muttering to himself...* DON'T TALK NATALIE!
Natalie: *whining now* "Mom, Elias won't let me talk!"
Mom/Dad: "Natalie, don't listen to what Elias says, just keep to yourself."
Elias: "Mom I want some string cheese!!"
Mom/Dad: "Elias, I just told you that you couldn't talk. Close your mouth. No... more... talking!"
Elias: *starts throwing a tantrum*
Mom/Dad: *pulls hammer from glove box and starts banging self on the head to make the world go away*.

Rinse and Repeat.

Please... Help... Me.

Elias is a very intelligent, strong-willed child who is well advanced for his age. He was born at a hefty 11 pounds (about the size of a normal 2 month old), which seemed to denote about how many months ahead of newborn-ism he actually was, because when he was about 3 weeks old, he was rolling over. I knew then that there was something more to this child. I didn't know how much more until he started crawling at barely 4 months of age. The thing is, he wasn't happy with these milestones. The kid was miserable. Always pissed off about something. Not content to just sit around like a regular old baby, he couldn't handle being strapped into a carseat. Unlike his sister who was asleep the second the engine was started, this kid's voicebox rivaled that of the engine itself.

Or rather, a jet engine.

In fact, he wasn't happy until he was actually walking upright with his peers, at the ripe old age of 9 months. But then... he still wasn't happy because he couldn't COMMUNICATE his plans for world domination. So, when he was speaking full sentences at 1 year of age, we weren't surprised. Zap forward to present, his plans are still unfulfilled, much to his chagrin, but he has made sure that every step along the way he is every bit as accomplished as his sister. He can't handle being left behind, and he knew from the minute he was aware there was another child rivaling for our attention, he had to hit the floor running. The result of this drive is the excerpt from the car ride quoted above. And he is not only like this in the car. He's like this everywhere at every moment of every day. He is the most determined little ball of fire I've ever encountered in all my life, and he refuses to be second in anything.

Now, some cynical folks (more cynical than me) might think this could be a precursor to psychopathy, but I'd like to think that he is just going to be an extremely accomplished and responsible person when he grows up, graduate from Harvard or MIT and get a tatoo with "Mom" on it on his bicep, and maybe do a stint in MLB or NFL.

If NFL, let's hope he graduates a Buckeye...

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Hell bent on world domination... and adorable as hell...


  1. As you know, I can *WELL* relate. I love hearing about Elias. Let's keep him and Bryce away from each other, though, okay? I'm afraid of what they might accomplish together.

  2. Brain freeze today. How old are the kids again?

  3. Kristen- Probably a good idea to keep thse two separated... although I'm sure that both boys will be co-world domineers one day whether we can stop it or not... LOL

    Dusanka- Elias will be 3 on March 3rd and Natalie turned 4 in late August. :)

  4. Nature or nurture, huh? I guess your two kids solve THAT debate at least.

  5. Yes, what was I thinking? They will have the solar system divided in half, each of them ruling over five of the (now) ten planets.

  6. Here's how I see the conversation go between your kids.

    Natalie: So what do you want to do tonight, Elias?

    Elias: Same thing we do every night Natalie. Try to take OVER the world!!!